Why are we so obsessed with comparison and can we do anything about it?

Alright, let’s talk about something that might feel a bit uncomfortable, but stick with me here—it’s going somewhere, I promise.
Have you ever been in a conversation where, at some point, you start feeling like you’re shrinking a little? Maybe the other person is talking faster, louder, or just throwing out information that you either didn’t know or didn’t really care about in the first place.

Suddenly, there’s this weird power dynamic. You feel kind of dumb, small, or like you’re on the outside looking in. And the person doing this? They may not even realize they’re doing it. Or worse, maybe they do and it’s a deliberate move.

Now, here’s the thing: I think this happens way more often than we realize. We as a species, whether it’s consciously or not—have this tendency to make each other feel… well, kind of dumb sometimes. Like we need to compete, to one-up each other.

It’s like we’re all out here in this giant social arena, flexing our smarts, our opinions, and trying to assert dominance over the most trivial things. And it’s not just about showing off knowledge; it’s about proving who’s right, who’s more successful, who’s more "in the know," and on and on. It’s exhausting, really.

But here’s where I think it gets interesting. Most of us aren’t sitting around thinking, “Yeah, I’m going to make this person feel small today. That’s my goal.” I don’t believe that for a second. We’re just conditioned to play this game of comparison. Society has done a number on us, with all these pressures about being the best, knowing the most, looking perfect like we’ve all got something to prove.

And what happens when we don’t feel like we measure up? We get defensive. We try to make up for that feeling of inadequacy by pushing others down, even if it’s subtle. We focus on their flaws, their mistakes, because hey, if we can highlight where they’re wrong, maybe it distracts from where we feel wrong. It’s kind of messed up when you think about it, right?

The funny thing is, we’re all feeling it. We’re all insecure in some way. We’ve all got that voice in our heads that says, “Maybe I’m not enough.” And so we lash out, often without realizing it, just trying to feel a little bit taller. It’s like being in a room full of mirrors and instead of just appreciating ourselves and others, we start pointing out smudges on other people’s reflections.

But here’s the good news: We don’t have to keep playing this game. I know, I know, easier said than done, right? But seriously, what if, instead of engaging in this weird power play, we took a beat? What if we could be a little more conscious of how we’re communicating, and instead of trying to win the conversation, we tried to learn something from it? What if we stopped caring so much about being right and focused on being kind, curious, or just… open?

I’m not saying it’s a quick fix. We’ve been conditioned for a long time to believe that success looks like "being better than." But the reality is, life gets so much more interesting—and lighter—when we stop comparing and start connecting.

Next time you catch yourself in that moment, where you feel the need to prove something, maybe just ask yourself, “Why?” Why does this matter so much? Why do I need to win this particular interaction?
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find that it’s not about making someone else feel small at all. It’s about making yourself feel enough. And once you realize that you already are? Well, that’s when everything starts to shift.

Because here’s the kicker: you are enough. We all are. Let’s start acting like it.