The Art of Not Oversharing (and Also Not Seeming Like a Nosy Weirdo)

I have this habit—I don’t really offer up information about myself unless someone asks. Not because I’m hiding anything, but because I figure if someone wants to know, they’ll ask, or maybe it’s a fear of how people might perceive me if i’m just throwing unsolicited details into the world. Maybe I subconsciously judge people who do this?

So then there’s the flip side. When I do want to get to know someone, I hesitate to ask too many questions because I don’t want to seem nosy. So basically, I end up waiting for people to be curious about me while simultaneously being too worried about seeming intrusive to show curiosity about them.

Flawless strategy, right?

The problem is, conversations don’t always work on a perfect give-and-take schedule. Some people won’t ask questions right away, either because they assume you’ll volunteer information if you want to or because they’re just not wired to think that way. And that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not interested.

So, if you’re someone who prefers to hold back, observe, and wait for a natural opening, here are some things to consider:

1. Why Do You Hold Back?

Are you worried about being a burden or taking up space?

Do you feel like your thoughts or experiences aren’t interesting enough to share?

Have past experiences made you hesitant to open up?

Are you more comfortable in the role of listener than sharer?


There’s nothing wrong with being someone who doesn’t immediately put themselves in the spotlight. But if you often feel unseen or overlooked, it might be worth asking whether you’re unintentionally making yourself invisible.

2. What’s Your Relationship with Curiosity?

Do you hold back on asking questions because you think it’s intrusive?

Do you worry that people will assume you have an ulterior motive?

Are you waiting for them to signal that it’s okay to ask?

Do you feel responsible for keeping conversations balanced and making sure you’re not prying too much?


Most people like talking about themselves when they feel genuinely seen. If you’re asking with curiosity rather than interrogation vibes, it’s not nosy—it’s connection.

3. How Do You Read Silence?

If someone doesn’t ask you questions, do you assume they’re not interested in you?

If someone answers your question but doesn’t return one, do you take it as a sign to back off?

Do you ever test the waters by sharing a small piece of yourself and seeing if they engage?


Some people just aren’t natural question-askers, and it doesn’t always mean they don’t care. They may be waiting for you to open the door.

4. How Do You Feel About Giving and Taking in Conversation?

Do you feel like you have to “earn” the right to share?

Do you see conversation as a structured back-and-forth, or something more fluid?

When someone shares something with you, do you feel comfortable following up with your own related experience, or does that feel like shifting the focus too much?


Sometimes, we assume we need permission to take up space when, in reality, conversations flow best when both people feel free to step in and out of sharing.

5. What’s One Small Experiment You Can Try?

Can you test out offering a little piece of information about yourself without waiting to be asked?

Can you try asking one extra question in your next conversation and notice how it feels?

Can you reframe curiosity as a gift rather than an intrusion?


Conversations aren’t a chess game where you have to strategize every move to avoid awkwardness (even though I will absolutely still overthink them). But maybe if we experiment with shifting just one small habit, we can make them feel a little more natural.

So, what about you? Do you tend to hold back in conversations? Do you ever worry about seeming nosy? Or are you one of those people who just effortlessly shares and asks and flows like a social wizard? Because if so, I’d love to borrow some of your skills.